The views expressed by the authors below do not necessarily reflect the views of this website or of the Living Autism team members.
We have put together a selection of some of the best ‘Top 10s’ for autism that are making their way around the internet and social media;
The Top 10 calming strategies for when your child is having a meltdown
One of the biggest challenges for many families affected by autism is dealing with negative behaviors. We recently polled our readers for their answers to the question, “If meltdowns are ever an issue for your child, what calming strategies have you found to be successful?” Here are your Top 10 Tips of the Week:
1. Prevention is the best policy. This will become easier as you learn to identify and avoid meltdown triggers.
2. Do your research —especially if triggers aren’t obvious–to determine what factors were in place that resulted in a meltdown: make a list of things going on before behavior took a turn for the worse and see if you can find patterns.
3. Use deep pressure including weighted blankets and massage to ease your child back into a more calm state.
4. Create a diversion that will take your child’s attention elsewhere. This could be singing a song, taking a walk, making silly faces or whatever usually makes your child laugh.
5. Keep yourself calm and seek a calm environment to encourage de-escalation.
6. Aromatherapy can be soothing especially lavender and chamomile oils.
7. Provide positive verbal reinforcements as your child shows signs of calming down.
8. A pop-up tent can be effective in easing your child by providing alone-time. Place soothing objects inside such as a bean bag, soft blanket, a favorite book, etc.
9. A Gluten-Free diet and various biomedical treatments over time may result in a lessening of meltdown tendencies.
10. Consider noise cancelling headphones to eliminate auditory input which can lead to sensory overload.
The Top 10 Things Autistic Children Wish You Knew…About Their Parents
By Shannon, Always Unique Totally Intelligent Sometimes Mysterious Facebook Page
1. I wish you knew that because I may not show eye contact to my parents, hug them or even tell them that I love them does not mean that I don’t care about them. Like I said above, my parents are SPECIAL and through all of that, deep down they can feel my love, my heart and my soul and know that I love them more than any words could ever say. They are my hero.
2. I wish you knew that just because I may be non-verbal or learn different from everyone else, it can make me an easy target for bullying or even abuse. I want you to know that if you hurt me in this way, you better hope the authorities take care of you before my parents have a chance to get a hold of you.
3. I wish you knew that when I am out in public and suffer a meltdown, your stares, do not hurt me because I don’t even notice. However, those stares and nasty comments do hurt my parents and family. This is a hard time for us and you being rude does not make it any easier. We have a right to be in public without scrutiny, just like everyone else.
4. I wish you knew that because I may appear to look just like everyone else, I am not. Sometimes I scream, can’t sit still, invade your space, bite, hit or throw myself to the floor and you may feel that my parents are not holding up to your “standards” of parenting in these situations. It really means that they know more about autism than you do and punishing me for something that I have no control over would be plan cruel and that would be bad parenting.
5. I wish you knew that just because you might not have the same beliefs about how they should be parenting me, how autism is caused, what treatment they use for me and whether they believe autism can be cured or not, does not mean that you cannot listen and at least consider how they feel. You have not walked in their shoes and until you do, you should hold your opinions to yourself.
6. I wish you knew that my parents would like for everyone to become more aware of autism. Autism is growing at a rate of 14% a year and 1 in every 110 children are being diagnosed. That means it may not be your kid, but at this fast growing rate, maybe it might be your kid’s child that suffers from this disability.
7. I wish you knew that just because they don’t do all the stuff they use to do, like go to family gatherings or hang out with friends very much anymore; it does not mean that they don’t want to. It is because they put my needs a head of their wants. They know that it is just too much for me to handle.
8. I wish you knew that because they sometimes wear their heart on their sleeve, does not mean they are weak. In fact, they are the strongest people that I know.
9. I wish you knew that just because our home is sometimes messy, that does not mean they are dirty or lazy. And just because my mom’s roots are showing, my dad is not clean shaved or their clothes do not match today, does not mean that they don’t care about themselves anymore; it just means they are too busy caring for me instead.
10. I wish you knew that God chose my parents for me because they are SPECIAL just like ME.
The Top 10 “Strategies for Dealing with Bullying”
1. Find out what your school district’s policy on bullying is and be prepared to advocate for better if needed. Be firm in letting them know that bullying can’t be tolerated.
2. Be vigilant. Stay on top of the situation through frequent conversations with your child about what happens each day at school.
3. Teach your child humor and “walk-away” skills.
4. Keep the lines of communication open with teachers, coaches, and any school worker in a position to observe your child at various times during the school day.
5. Consider a volunteer job at your child’s school which will give you an opportunity to watch out for any questionable actions or words that might be red flags for bullying.
6. Share social stories with your child that deal with bullying.
7. Employ a buddy system by asking a trusted teacher, aide, or even a non-disabled peer to keep an eye out for any negative actions or words directed towards your child.
8. Educate teachers and classmates about what autism is and what struggles those affected may have. Raising awareness may have an impact on bullying tendencies.
9. Check for bruises, torn clothing, or any items taken to school that are now missing. Follow up immediately with the school if any of these red flags exist.
10. Roleplay teasing with your child and practice back and forth humorous replies to negative comments.
The Top 10 Things To Know About a Family with Autism
By Rev Mindi, Rev-o-lution.org
1. Autism is a spectrum, as I stated above. Therefore, what you know about one child with autism may not be the same for another. One child may receive excellent care and services in their school, so you are eager to recommend it to another parent. But their needs may be completely different. When people hear that we have a child with autism, almost always they want to tell us about someone else they know whose child has autism, and put us in touch with them. Often they have “good” stories they want to share of kids who have outgrown their symptoms or have become independent adults. While those stories can be inspiring, it doesn’t mean that will happen to our child.
2. Not all “treatments” you hear in the news are affective, have been proven, or work for all children. Same with the stories you hear—no two children with autism are alike, so what works for one family may not work for another. Research is still forthcoming on a lot of alternative treatments, and while one family may swear by a new diet or new therapy, another may find it doesn’t work for their child or their child has different symptoms, or simply may feel it is not right for their child. Please respect their choices on treatments and therapies and understand that these are personal and private decisions.
3. Don’t say, “I’m sorry” when you hear someone has received a diagnosis of autism. While it is difficult, it also confirmed for us part of who AJ is. I can’t imagine AJ without his autism. He is a whole person, and autism is part of who he is. I realize it’s a natural reaction (I often say, “I’m sorry” for things when I am sympathizing with someone—I am trying to break this habit) but it’s not a helpful reaction.
4. Similarly, don’t say, “He’ll be fine.” I hear this one from friends and family often. While it is meant well, we really don’t know what AJ’s outlook will be. Sure, he will be fine, but that doesn’t mean he will turn out like a typical child. It doesn’t mean he will live independently, ever. It doesn’t mean he will graduate high school or hold a job or, at this point, even be toilet trained. We don’t know. There is so much unknown about autism, that when we share our concerns or worries, hearing “He’ll be fine” just dismisses our own feelings as irrelevant. Saying “he’ll be fine” may make you feel better, but not me.
5. Don’t assume higher intelligence. Because of the recent movie about Temple Grandin and some other stories of people with high-functioning autism or Asperger’s syndrome, many people assume children with autism have high intelligence or are “super smart.” This is not always the case and I have sadly seen parents explain to someone who made that assumption that no, their child also has some mental disabilities. While our son shows some signs of what may be high-functioning autism, right now they are just hopes that we have. He still does not communicate nor can we tell for sure that he will communicate in the future.
6. Listen. This is the best thing you can do. Listen when a parent receives the diagnosis for the first time. If they are asking for contacts with other parents, then offer your connections. If they want to cry, let them cry. If they want to share all their worries and fears, let them share their worries and fears. It’s so easy in our culture to want to make everything better and say it will all be ok, but the best thing to do is listen and be there for them.
7. Check in. Ask how they are doing, if there is anything they need. Often parents of children with autism are overwhelmed with the information and opinions, underwhelmed with the lack of research, and from my experience, at times just tired and in need of a break or an adult to talk to. Bonus: if you are comfortable, if you have gotten to know the family and the child well, you can offer to babysit. Know that this might mean administering medication or dealing with a child who won’t sleep, or like us, dealing with a 4-year-old who is the size of a 6-year-old who is not potty trained. But offering to babysit or give a parent a break for an hour or two is a wonderful, wonderful gift. Even if it is not accepted, know that the offer is much appreciated and is a very kind gesture.
8. Don’t ask about future children. This should be a no-brainer and should be seen as an inappropriate question to ask regardless. It is a personal question. It is harder for those of us with a child that has a difficult diagnosis, because we are still struggling to care for the child we have.
9. Don’t judge parenting styles. Ah, this is one that perhaps could be stretched beyond autism, but here it is: we have decided to parent AJ as seems best for our family. AJ doesn’t understand discipline in terms of actions/consequences. The good thing is that he rarely acts out or does anything on purpose—when he does, he’s simply being mischievous and when we have attempted to punish him he has smiled because he got the negative attention he wanted. Instead, we attempt to redirect his attention elsewhere. However, there are times when we want him to know that his behavior is inappropriate for the situation. Some have told us, “Oh, it’s ok,” when he does something such as take food off of their plates. This is not ok to us, and we want to help him learn what behavior is appropriate. At the same time, we don’t sweat it when his behavior is not disruptive, distracting or harmful to himself or others. If he’s simply being a bit louder than others or running around in circles, we may let him do it.
10. Love and Learn. Autism occurs in one out of 88 children, one out of every 54 boys (source: Autismspeaks.org). When AJ was first diagnosed in August of 2011, it was one out of every 110 children, one out of every 70 boys. The numbers are growing, due to a number of factors: more awareness and early diagnosis, as well as increased understanding of the spectrum of disorders. At the same time, diagnosis methods and categories are changing, and there has been some over-diagnosis of children who have later grown out of their symptoms, but these are few. Read up: Autism Speaks is a good organization to get a basic understanding. But the most important thing you can do is offer your love to our children with autism and to their family. Listen to their stories. Know that every child is unique and every family with autism is different. We prefer to say that “AJ has autism” rather than “AJ is autistic.” However, we know others who prefer to say their child is autistic (some of it is semantics, some of it is about identity—if/when AJ should be able to communicate and let us know what he prefers, we will go with his preference). But regardless of what label we use, what diagnosis is given—love is the greatest thing we can offer, the greatest thing we can do for our families with autism.
So those are my tips. Know that if you have read this and you are a friend or family member, this is not a personal note to you. There are no hard feelings. This is my hope to help share a greater understanding of what we are going through, what our feelings are, and how we can help others. This is a continuing journey for us, and we will gain new understandings and insights ourselves as we learn and grow with AJ. I hope you will, too.
The Top 10 Alleged Autistics in History
By Mike Devlin, listverse.com
1. Thomas Jefferson
1743-1826.
The third President of the United States, and the preeminent political scientist amongst the Founding Fathers. Despite authoring the Declaration of Independence, Jefferson’s eloquence did not extend to oratorical skills. Described sometimes as painfully shy and averse to making eye contact – fellow statesman Alexander Hamilton once called him “shifty eyed” – Jefferson displayed many of the characteristics common to Asperger’s Syndrome. Like many others, he was an inventor and compulsive mathematician, and seemed obsessed with constant additions and tweaks on his Monticello estate. He had stilted body language, exacting attention to detail, odd compulsions, and often appeared unkempt. His relationship with slave Sally Hemings might also be explained by Asperger’s; it would probably have been easier for him to be intimate with a woman with whom he did not have to engage in the exacting social conventions of the day.
2. Albert Einstein
1879-1955.
One of the most brilliant men of this, or any, era, Einstein’s contributions to physics and humanity in general cannot be overlooked. There are a lot of conflicting accounts regarding his youth (the popular rumor that he failed math in school is an outright lie), but reports indicate he was a very technically minded, somewhat aloof child. His research, of course, was of the most abstruse, imaginative sort, hinging on details that someone with Asperger’s could easily find reason to focus upon. After the death of his wife, he become almost completely unconcerned with his physical appearance (a quirk made more manifest in an era of formality), especially his wild hair. However, Einstein seemed to have had little difficulty socializing as an adult – although he did not openly relish the trappings of his fame, he was known for various romantic trysts even late in life.
3. Nikola Tesla
1856-1943.
An ethnic Serb born in present day Croatia, Tesla was a foremost inventor and engineer, more brilliant by far than his contemporary Edison, who ultimately exploited him and stole many of his ideas. More eccentric by far than any other personality on this list, Tesla harbored a crippling series of phobias, maintained his celibacy, had a sensitivity to light and sound, and was intensely focused on numbers (especially the number three – he wouldn’t stay in a room whose number was not divisible by three). He was very soft spoken, but could be nasty in defense of his strange beliefs. While generally reclusive and fanatically driven by his work, he could grandstand and was good friends with Mark Twain in his middle years. While most certainly obsessive compulsive, many of his behaviors could also be seen in an autistic light. As he aged, he became even more bizarre, ultimately earning the derision of the scientific community and dying alone in a hotel room, nearly penniless.
4. James Joyce
1882-1941.
Irish novelist Joyce is remembered primarily for his book “Ulysses,” an enigmatic re-telling of “The Odyssey” and the scourge of literature students worldwide. In youth he exhibited extreme intelligence and strange phobias. Joyce’s eccentricity and self-centeredness are made quite apparent in a dissection of his writings. While unarguably brilliant, works such as “Ulysses” and “Finnegan’s Wake” are composed in a style that is intentionally difficult to approach. Some scholars claim that he wrote mainly to flummox readers, asserting a perhaps autistic distance between himself and society. In an interview for Harper’s Magazine, he stated “The demand that I make of my reader is that he should devote his whole Life to reading my works.”
5. Stanley Kubrick
1928-1999.
An American film director with such important works as “A Clockwork Orange,” “Dr. Strangelove,” and “2001: A Space Odyssey” under his belt, Kubrick was known as a coldblooded perfectionist, often requiring dozens of takes to get a scene the way he wanted it. During the filming of “The Shining,” his intense demands tormented stars Jack Nicholson and Shelly Duvall, to the point that Duvall’s hair began falling out. Somewhat reclusive, he was known for hoarding animals and being a chess mastermind. Interviews with those closest to him indicate he was cheap, uncomplimentary, and showed a marked lack of empathy toward collaborators. Although reports exist countering these allegations of misanthropy, it seems that some of Kubrick’s ruthless genius may be due to certain autistic traits.
6. Michelangelo Di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni
1475-1564.
One of the great scions of the High Renaissance movement, Michelangelo is best known as the sculptor of David and the painter of the ceiling at the Sistine Chapel. He was known for his brusque manner and vile personal hygiene, preferring to throw himself wholesale into his work rather than engage in any kind of social niceties. Although he was relatively wealthy, he had little interest in material things. His contemporaries described him as both bizarre and terrible, all eccentricities which might well be easily explained by a diagnosis of autism.
7. Ludwig Wittgenstein
1889-1951.
A celebrated philosopher, Wittgenstein hailed from one of the richest and most disturbed families in Austria. His father was an intensely unpleasant man, and three of Ludwig’s brothers committed suicide. Like Lewis Carroll, he had a stutter and awful social skills. His most famous work, “Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus” is often seen as a classic example of autistic thought processes. He was an irritable man and claimed that he failed to see the “humanity” in other people. Philosophical pursuits in general seem to attract that autistic intellect – other sufferers may have included Bertrand Russell and Jean-Paul Sartre. In fact, Sartre’s most famous quote, “Hell is other people” seems to sum up the harsh reality of autism in one fell swoop.
8. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
1756-1791.
Perhaps the greatest composer the world has ever known, Mozart was an accomplished musician from the age of four or five, and by his teenage years was a renowned genius, exhibiting much of that narrow focus often found in autistic patients. A strange, impulsive little man, he favored bawdy adolescent bathroom humor and even wrote songs with scatological lyrics. Although some historians purport that he may have been autistic, it seems unlikely – Mozart was a social buttery, and seemed to dislike spending time alone. There is, however, some evidence that he had at least a touch of the disorder – many autistics, who are often sensitive to sound, become extremely responsive to the music of Mozart – so much so that it is used in therapy.
9. Lewis Carroll
1832-1898.
Born Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, Carroll was another children’s author who seemed to bear certain autistic trademarks. Most famous for his “Alice in Wonderland” stories, he had a stammer which likely exacerbated his lack of social skills. Like many people touched by autism, he exhibited great mathematical acumen and was a minor inventor. Although he had some adult friends, Carroll seemed to much enjoy the company of children, to the point where some historians allege that he may have been a pedophile, although it may have just been that with his poor communicative abilities he found it easier to interact with kids. He took many nude pictures of underage girls, although the connotations of such activity were not so severe at the time as they are today. Adding to the mystery, large portions of his journals were removed after his death, leading some to believe they detailed aberrant, possibly criminal behavior.
10. Hans Christian Andersen
1805-1875.
Andersen was a Danish author known for his children’s fairy tales, such as “The Ugly Duckling” and “The Little Mermaid” (which is a heart-wrenching tragedy when compared with the Disney version). As a child, he was gangly and effeminate, and prone to strange tantrums. His journals indicate a strange pattern of pining after unattainable men and women, and a privately enforced celibacy early in life. Upon close examination, his stories seem to be indicative of a deep inner turmoil, often featuring strange or misunderstood characters who are not always fortunate enough to find redemption.
