Children with ASDs may be more likely than their peers to experience intense frustration and express it through tantrums and meltdowns. Due to the way in which these children experience the world [1], things which would not trigger problems in other children can cause serious distress for children with ASDs – and it can be harder to calm down autistic children during meltdowns than non-autistic children. For parents and carers, this can make life quite difficult [2]. However, there is no need to despair or to fly off the handle. There are ways and means by which to mitigate the problem. Here are a few things to consider.
Develop Understanding
An autistic child’s anger may seem to be entirely irrational. Plenty of parents are shocked by meltdowns which seem to come ‘out of nowhere’. However, there is always a cause. Even if that cause seems silly or trivial to us, it is not for your child. Many things cause anger [3], and when in the grip of an anger attack, it can be hard to manage your emotions or behave rationally. This can in turn inspire anger in those around us. Don’t get angry. Try to see things from your child’s point of view. If you can discern the cause of the meltdown, don’t get cross that it’s ‘silly’ or ‘trivial’ – try to empathise, and understand just how it seems from their perspective. Autistic children don’t see the world in the same way that others do, which means that ostensibly minor things really do become major and distressing issues [4]. It’s not fun for your child to be experiencing these meltdowns either, so try to understand their distress. Understanding what’s going on can help you to feel more in control of the situation.
Don’t Set Them Up For Failure
Life is inevitably going to put your autistic child into situations with which they’re not comfortable. That’s a given. So helping them to learn to manage their emotions in such situations is undoubtedly helpful. However, there is no point in consistently setting them up for failure. If small, easily avoidable things will lead to meltdowns, don’t brutally pursue these because your child ‘has to learn’. While you should not give in to their demands all of the time, not putting you or them into easily-avoided situations which will provoke demands, meltdowns, and strife is still a good idea. Learning the difference between a goal-driven ‘tantrum’ and an uncontrollable ‘meltdown’ [5] may help in judging this situation. There is a fine line to walk here, of course. You should not have to alter your entire lifestyle in order to accommodate the precise demands of an autistic child – nor should you limit your child’s experiences in the hope of avoiding meltdowns. However, at the same time you should acknowledge that your child is not the same as other children, and make allowances accordingly. Don’t plunge them in over their head.
Practical Steps
Of course, once a meltdown is in progress you’ll find practical advice more helpful than preventative and empathetic advice! What works in meltdown-calming is different for every child, and it can be hard to do. Because a child in meltdown will have difficulty receiving input from anyone other than themselves, the best you can do is to implement strategies which will speed the process of self-calming. Some parents have found that wrapping their child in blankets brings about results. If your child is having a sensory meltdown [6], removing the offending stimulus can help (if it’s an auditory problem, invest in some noise-cancelling headphones). Some parents swear by weighted blankets for providing distraction, comfort, and sensory aid [7]. Most importantly (and most difficult!) – try to keep calm yourself. Losing your rag will only prolong and exacerbate the meltdown. Don’t worry, all meltdowns end eventually – just hang on in there and do your best to protect and soothe your child until they are calm again.
[1] M. Dalferth, “How and what do autistic children see? Emotional, perceptive and social peculiarities reflected in more recent examinations of the visual perception and the process of observation in autistic children”, Acta Paedopsychiatrica, 1989.
[2] Joti Samra, “My autistic son is driving me crazy. How do I cope?”, The Globe And Mail, Feb 2013.
[3] PsychGuides, “Anger Symptoms, Causes and Effects”.
[4] Emma Dalmayne, “What a Meltdown Feels Like for Someone With Autism”, The Mighty, Apr 2015.
[5] Judy Endow, “Autistic Meltdown or Temper Tantrum?”, Ollibean, 2009.
[6] Sue Larkey, “Sensory Meltdowns vs Behaviour Meltdowns”.
[7] David Hochman, “Weighted Blanket Can Help More Than Just Sleep Problems”, Forbes, Apr 2014.
